Authenticity

I have been on hiatus for over a month now trying to prioritize the important things in my life and also to figure out just what direction I want to take this blog. I have struggled with making a decision because I am a lover of everything and it is difficult to narrow down what I am passionate about. This has led to the creation of numerous blogs that have gone untouched and has kept me from posting something that is really important to me because I felt it was not in line with this blog’s purpose. But, life is writing and writing is life and from now on this blog will be about both.

For those of you who don’t know, I was recently diagnosed with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome. Over the past two years these undiagnosed conditions have wreaked havoc on my health, my energy, my spirit, and my dreams for the future. In fact, it has caused my entire life to come to a screeching halt. Along with this illness I am caring for my four year old whom doctors believe is autistic with Asperger’s and can become violent at any second for any reason or no reason at all. I use the work “think” because I have been unable to have him officially diagnosed and have been waiting for specialists to see him for nearly two years now. The waiting lists are so long and are soul crushing for any parent who desperately wants to seek and receive help for their child. As if that wasn’t enough, I also have a soon-to-be-eighteen-year-old son who will begin college in the fall. AND as if THAT is not enough, I lost my job in mid-December because of budget cuts.

What has all this done for me? It has made me stop and reevaluate my life and where I want to go. It has made me realize that I need to be more authentic in all my interactions. I am was a firm believer in perfectionism and never asking anyone for help. I wanted everyone to perceive me as the person who knew how to do everything. But this mask of perfectionism I am hiding behind is not serving me very well. So, I plan to be more authentic in my writing on this blog, to share with you my fears, my worries, and my truth.

The biggest truth that I can share with you right now is that I am terrified of writing. I do not know the first thing about writing and yet the idea of learning everything there is to know in order to become a great writer is overwhelming and stops me in my tracks. I have so many interests (law, politics, neuroscience, psychology, social work, mental health counseling, sociology, criminal justice, writing, reading – you get the idea) that I find it difficult to settle down into one specific area. It is the perpetual “the grass is greener on the other side” philosophy. What I do know for sure, though, is that I want to help people, I want to teach, and I want to write. That is where I have to place my focus.

To start, I would like to introduce my authentic self to you: I am a 36-year-old woman who is still not sure what she wants to do with her life and has not made it past step one in Life 101. I am a woman whose legs hurt so badly some days that she has to crawl out of bed or not get out of bed at all. I am a woman who spends many mornings locked in the bathroom in an attempt to avoid her four year old’s stinging punch to the face. I am the woman who has finally started the journey toward authenticity and finding her place in this often scary world. I hope that you will follow along with me.

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Unscheduled Transmission....

Wow wasn’t planning on posting but looked and saw it has been awhile…lol… my how times flies when you are lost in the fog! I’d like to say I would do a “things lost and found” post but I’m just too foggy to think it through. We’ve had so many rainy days followed by very cold days and has left me in some of the worst pain I’ve felt in a very long time. I have gotten by with the use of only the fireplace for heat. It’s just me now and my birds and rabbit. Yes the boys are gone….. my youngest left for basic training at Fort Jackson and the teen I was fostering went back to his parent’s home. Boy, life alone and dealing with Fibro is time-consuming….. and energy draining….I’m trying to adjust to being on my own again. I haven’t been alone since getting this ill and stuck in bed most of the time. Everything takes twice as long as I thought it would and I am feeling my age…lol…haven’t been able to make it to the mail box or to the trash bin as both are about a block or so away…..in different directions too…. I’ll need to drive and that means portable O2 tanks…. so I gave in and asked for some help to take the trash to the bin and pick up the mail. I felt so bad…lol… I couldn’t remember which key to use to open the mailbox….. my friend had to make two trips just to get the right key and then told me there was a key in side my mail box and brought it back thinking I could tell him which townhouse had the #333….. but it was the key to open the large lock mailbox for packages…. so he went back for the third trip! I felt so bad about all the running around he was doing…. he even remembered the last time we talked that I said I had used the last of my shampoo and would try to make a trip to the store soon and he even brought that with him.  There have been some unexpected problems I’ve run in to but with some help I have worked it out….lol….. the news paper that I have delivered on the weekend will now be put on my top doorstep and not in the middle of the driveway…..much out of reach with only my O2 tubing…..sometimes it’s the little things that throw you off balance…..which reminds me I have to be careful….. first day alone and I almost fell on my butt tripped on my O2 tubing and today hit the step stool and made to big toe and little one bleed….. hurt my foot and my pride….good thing about being alone…..no one to see me when I do something dumb! I have found that my stress level is lower now and that I tend to spend more time on the phone….. usually when caller ID shows unknown caller I don’t pick up….but now if I feel up to it I do and if it is sales person…..well I’ll yank their chain a little…. like today TV dish salesman I told him I got my cable free from the little gray aliens….talked about them for about ten minutes and when he asked how he could get hooked up with them. I told him to just give me HIS home phone number and I would have them give him a call or he could turn his porch light on and off five times wait and do it again until they come by……lol…..I don’t think he’ll be calling me back anytime soon. Took my mind off the pain for awhile…..well it’s time for this unscheduled transmission to come to an end… so be at peace,  enjoy the quiet times and watch out for low flying aliens until our paths cross again…….. Lila

PLEASE NOTE THAT IF YOU ARE READING THIS POST AND YOU ARE NOT ON THE WEB SITE “LILA LOST IN THE FIBRO FOG….” THEN WHAT YOU ARE READING HAS BEEN STOLEN AND IS BEING USED WITHOUT MY AUTHORITY AND I HOPE YOU WILL COME TO MY WEB SITE BLOG AT WORDPRESS  http://www.lilabyrdakabirdladybyday.wordpress.com  

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Good Greek!

One of the things I’m trying to do is cook more.  A little more than a year ago, I worked myself into a nasty kidney infection and vertigo.  It took months for the vertigo to go away, and during that time my boyfriend and I got into the habit of ordering food since I was too sick to cook and he too tired.  But now, one  year later, we’re stuck in the same pattern, and at this point its sheer laziness on my part (seeing as I’m the one without a job.)  Of course I still have days that I feel really sick (fibromyalgia problems, the vertigo comes back when I have a cold), but that’s no excuse to not cook the times I am feeling well.  But at the same time, fibromyalgia is a difficult balancing act: if I stress my body a little to hard one day, it makes me useless the next (and if it’s really bad, the day after.)  With fibromyalgia and gluten sensitivity, everything thing you do has to be taken slow whether you like it or not.  So I’m still not going to cook every meal, but am instead setting my goal of cooking two nights a week.  I can do two nights a week.

I decided to try my hand at Greek food since it is really effective against my reactive hypoglycemia (part of fibro) and my boyfriend is part Greek.  Win-win.  So I picked up How to Roast a Lamb: new greek classic cooking by Michael Psilakis, mainly because it had a recipe for Avgolemono Soup, the one dish my boyfriend and I (and his mother) have horrendously failed at every single time.

Ironically, Avgolemono Soup is one of our favorite dishes and a staple of every Greek restaurant visit.  For those of you that haven’t tried it, it’s kind of like the Greek equivalent of Chicken and Rice Soup.  It’s chicken broth mixed with egg-lemon sauce (very common in Greek cooking) and either rice or orzo.  Next time you’re at your neighborhood Greek restaurant, try it (I have yet to see a decent Greek restaurant that doesn’t have it.)

Last night I did not feel daring enough to make the Avgolemono and opted for “Pasta with Kima (meat sauce)” instead.  Although some recipes in the book are quite challenging (like roasting whole lamb on a spit), this one was quite easy and yummy.  I am no stranger to homemade pasta sauces; when I was a teenager, I often had dinner with my Italian neighbor and her family.  But this sauce was unlike anything I had tasted before.  I am used to Italian sauces, in which the tomato flavor freshly zings you tongue and is then followed by the meat.  With the greek tomato sauce, everything harmoniously combined to form a single flavor identity that was both savory and sweet.  A real treat!

Pasta with Kima

If you’re ever in the area, try Greek Islands.  It is the best Greek restaurant I’ve ever been to, and is certainly one of the best (if not the best) in the Chicago.

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I Was Poisoned by My Body: The Odyssey of a Doctor Who Reversed Fibromyalgia, Leaky Gut Syndrome and Multiple Allergic Responsesâ¦and Her life 10 Years ... "New Revised and Updated"

I Was Poisoned by My Body: The Odyssey of a Doctor Who Reversed Fibromyalgia, Leaky Gut Syndrome and Multiple Allergic Responsesâ¦and Her life 10 Years … “New Revised and Updated” Review

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Gloria Gilbere is a doctor of traditional naturopathy and natural health, a homeopath, an Eco Ergonomist, and is especially known in alternative medicine for her approach to skin and body rejuvenation’. Therefore she brings a special expertise to “I Was Poisoned By My Body… I Have A Gut Feeling You Could Be, Too!”. Now in a newly revised and substantially updated edition, this compendium of commentary, description, analysis and advice covers everything from food allergies, chronic fatigue, arthritis, autoimmune disorders, and heartburn, to acid reflux, liver dysfunction, muscle pains, migraines, colon disorders, anaphylaxis, candid, and gluten intolerance. Of special note is Gilbere’s survey and discussion of environmental illnesses because she was able to reverse her own condition of fibromyalgia, leaky gut syndrome and multiple allergic responses with natural methods and has enjoyed her recovery for the past ten years now. Enhanced with the useful addition of resource listings for testing, products, colon hydro-therapy, ‘Consulting with Gloria’, education, drugs classified as benzodiazepines, as well as website information and support groups, “I Was Poisoned By My Body” also features an extensive bibliography and a comprehensive index. Informed and informative, thoroughly ‘reader friendly’, and an invaluable addition to the growing library of Alternative Medicine reference collections, “I Was Poisoned By My Body” is especially recommended reading for anyone suffering from environmentally influenced illnesses and allergies.

I Was Poisoned by My Body: The Odyssey of a Doctor Who Reversed Fibromyalgia, Leaky Gut Syndrome and Multiple Allergic Responsesâ¦and Her life 10 Years … “New Revised and Updated” Feature I Was Poisoned by My Body: The Odyssey of a Doctor Who Reversed Fibromyalgia, Leaky Gut Syndrome and Multiple Allergic Responsesâ¦and Her life 10 Years … “New Revised and Updated” Overview

Gloria is one of a handful of internationally respected leading natural health researchers, practitioner, and an authoritative influence in the discovery of the causes, effects and natural solutions for invisible illnesses that defy conventional diagnosis and treatment. She is a leading advocate in identifying and reversing Multiple Allergic Response Syndromes (MARSâ„¢). This book reads like a detective story, guiding the reader to clues and solutions from every turn of the page. It is truly a personal odyssey that will open eyes, minds, and hearts to invisible gut causes and life-changing consequences for victims of complex autoimmune, inflammatory and digestive disorders. This second edition has the added advantage of the knowledge gained 10 years after her recovery and the insight gained from the thousands worldwide she has guided to health, naturally.

I Was Poisoned by My Body: The Odyssey of a Doctor Who Reversed Fibromyalgia, Leaky Gut Syndrome and Multiple Allergic Responsesâ¦and Her life 10 Years … “New Revised and Updated” Specifications

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Not for everyone! – Y. Fus – Winston-Salem, NC United States

I was hoping to find some sensible suggestions for calming sinus inflammation associated with food intolerances. Unfortunately this author’s approach to eliminating toxins from your system is more than I am willing to undertake. She advocates using chopsticks to examine your waste in order that you can make sure that you are effectively eliminating. I am not going to comb through my poop with chop sticks. I do not think that her advice is particularly practical for most folks. I regret having purchased this book and will take it to my local used bookseller asap.

SO many people need this book and don’t even know it…yet ! – Suzanne Karasik – Los Banos, CA near SFO

I have the older version and it helped me to heal and go on to become a nutritionist and help others. When I couldn’t find anyone who knew what was happening to me, thankfully I found this book. I highly recommend it as well as “Invisible Illness” if you want to learn about what is happening to so many people who are still clueless. Allopathic doctors don’t know these facts, they exacerbate the symptoms because they refuse to accept/learn the cause, mostly because it involves nutrition instead of pharmaceuticals – she will tell you everything you need to know !

Don’t hesitate if you know something just is not right, you must educate yourself. I’d love to go into details, but just get the book, it’s all in there !

[Via http://healthtotalbodycleanse.wordpress.com]

CELEBRATE! IT IS FINISHED!

“Celebrate!  Celebrate!  Celebrate!  Dance to the music” .  Perhaps some of you might be able to hum along to the chorus of this  old song by Three Dog Night.  Today I am celebrating since I  had my last amalgam filling removed and replaced by a fancy high tech ceramic filling!

Yesterday, I talked about my reluctance to ask for help even from my doctor.  But today as I sat in the dentist’s chair, I knew that without a doubt I had been receiving help these past months so that I can actually say I no longer have my neurotic fear of having dental work done!  All of the past experiences as a child sitting in the dental chair are over!  Part of that change belongs to my dentist who calls himself an old hippy!  I learned to relax as he chatted, laughed and as we listened to old 60’s and 70’s music interspersed with the occasional Norah Jones. But I have had pleasant dentists before, and so I know that my change mainly belongs to God who heard my prayers and heard others praying for me that since I needed to see this dentist every month for a year, could He please “help me overcome my anxieties”.  Yesterday my special friend who keeps lifting me up to God sent me some very appropriate Bible verses in response to yesterday’s blog.  I think she wanted me to remember as my husband did who read it this morning – that even when we are reluctant to receive help from others and even when we receive imperfect help from others, we can receive perfect help from God.  She wrote,

“Your ‘cry for help’ was heard. I immediately recalled that help is always available but not necessarily immediately visible. Psalm 18:6: “In my distress, I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help” and in Psalm 121:1 : “I lift up my eyes to the hills–where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth”. Verse 8 says ‘the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.”  It does not say He will remove your affliction but will ‘BE THERE’ for you. I agree that sometimes it does not feel like it is enough but like the mother who holds her child with the scraped knee, she cannot make it better but she can ‘be there’ to help him get through the pain.   Hopefully, this is what can keep you going as well. Hang in there…you are not alone.”

Well, today I am not only celebrating the fact that my dental work is complete but  that I believe “My help comes from the Lord”!   Now I just have to remember that “the Lord will watch over (my)  coming and going” when His Help doesn’t seem quite as clear!!

[Via http://gaylejervis.wordpress.com]

UNFILTERED THOUGHTS HINDER HEALING

Last night I was watching an episode from the Television series, House.  In the story, the male patient’s frontal lobe was not working so that he could not filter any of his thoughts and he said everything that came to his mind.  He made rather shocking, hurtful and insulting comments to everyone  including his wife and his daughter.  By the end of the story, House had of course discovered the nature of the problem.  However, as his wife was wheeling him to the car, he asked her if his daughter was upset with him.  She said, “No, children are pretty resilient.”  However, there was a serious inference understood by her body language that she would have great difficulty trusting his comments since she now “knew” what he was really thinking.

I began wondering what kind of words would come out of my mouth if they were not being filtered by what I perceive to be acceptable or kind or reflect whatever persona I have developed. As someone who has had a lot of limits imposed on her life for the last decade, would I be surprised by the amount of whining, complaining, and judging negative comments that might slip out of my mouth?  Like the patient in House, would I later be mortified and embarrassed?

I once read that the brain is like a computer.  It inputs information and does not distinguish thoughts or opinions from facts.  In other words, thoughts that I may not even believe all of the time are being added to my brain’s data bank as factual. One day, in a whining mood, I may think , “My doctor doesn’t know what he is doing! I am an idiot to actually believe that he can cure me!”  My brain’s distorted perception of truth has now recorded that my doctor is an idiot and that I too am an idiot!  This kind of data is most definitely not going to promote my wellness!!

As another component to optimizing my healing environment I should heighten my awareness of all of my thoughts!   I have heard the suggestion to wear an elastic band and pull it every time a negative thought occurs.  However, I suspect the most insidious thought is the one that appears rational and logical and I might  excuse it since it “speaks a truth” .   Those thoughts might be harder to identify as negative and might cause me to resist pulling that elastic band!  And the real question is whether  that kind of temporary pain will actually cause me to improve my thoughts?

Perhaps guarding our thoughts is like the analogy of identifying counterfeit money.  I once heard that people who are trained to identify counterfeit money are not shown those dollars.  Instead they just spend lots of time analyzing the real money!  In other words, perhaps the most effective strategy is to intentionally add positive thoughts to my brain’s data bank by speaking positive affirmations, reciting Bible verses, listening to positive uplifting music etc.  It could become quite an exciting game as I assess how much helpful healing information I have been able to file away in my brain’s amazing recording system each day!  I don’t consider myself as an overly negative person, but I suspect the cumulative effect of such a purposeful positive endeavor could only increase the healing momentum!

Philippians 4:8 says, “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy  – meditate on these things”

[Via http://gaylejervis.wordpress.com]

Upcoming Community Evening - Kim Burnham PhD - Neurological Conditions & Headaches - Blood Flow

Tight neck muscles, compressed spinal joints and shortened fascia can contribute to decreased blood flow to the head, brain and spinal cord leading to pain and neurological symptoms. Come to his free evening presentation to learn what manual therapists can do to increase muscle relaxations, joint mobility, improved blood flow and ways you can help yourself.

Kim Burnham, PhD will be speaking at Mission Hills Physical Therapy over the next two weeks.  I will update with time/date in a few days.

please call Susan to rsvp at 619.543.1470

[Via http://missionhillspt.wordpress.com]

New Blog Post: Start the Year 2010

Hey Again,

Well it’s 2010, a new year, a new decade. After doing my Close the Year 2009 yesterday I’ve now done my intention or resolutions for 2010, what I’m aiming for and what I would like to see happen over the course of the next year.

My post is on my blog For The Hole Inside Everyone and it’s called Start the Year: Resolutions 2010.

Hope you had a great time last night!

Niamh xxx Peace

http://www.niamhbrown.com http://www.niamhstudios.com

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