BEWILDERED ABOUT APPLYING ESSENTIAL OILS

Yesterday I ordered the three essential oils I was told might help with my multiple chemical sensitivities.  Oddly, what caused my greatest confusion was how to apply this oil.  The aroma therapist told me to use 5 drops of Lemon, 5 drops of Geranium Egyptian, and 2 drops of Benzoin.  Now what?

I had taken a book out of the library called Essential Oils by G. Gary Young and I began skimming this rather large text trying to discover what I do when these oils arrive!  I learned that the English model of application suggests that you dilute a small amount of the essential oil in a vegetable or massage oil and rub it into your skin.  The French model prescribes undiluted topical application or even to ingest it by putting it on a piece of bread!  And the German model focuses on inhaling the oils.

With that information, I was still trying to figure out if I can fill a container  with this combination of drops or do I mix these drops each day.  If I combine the drops for more than one day, I still had to determine how to measure 25 mls each time!  I began thinking that a syringe would be ideal.  The aroma therapist mentioned adding the oils to a favorite cream or adding them to water and spritzing it on me.  However, I am still back to the same dilemma of knowing how much to use!  She seemed to reiterate the importance of using just that amount each day and no more.

I finally ordered two containers – one a small jar and the other a serum spray.  I still have no idea what I am going to do when the oils arrive.  In fact, I have begun wondering if I should order a diffuser and just sit by it and burn the oils.  But then how long does it take for the oils to burn?  I am rather embarrassed that I am stuck on a problem that is most likely obvious to everyone else!  However, I admit that I am bewildered!

Why being stuck in a perspective keeps us, well, stuck...(and unwell)

“Out beyond all ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing there is a field – I’ll meet you there”
Rumi, Sufi mystic and poet

One of the lessons I have been learning recently is how being attached to a particular outlook or perspective can prevent us from getting well. These perspectives are indicative of underlying beliefs and paradigms about life, which become so transparent we do not even see them. However, not seeing them does not mean they are not there or are not affecting our overall health.

So why do I say that being stuck in a perspective can prevent us from getting well, ie, keep us ill? Because underneath the perspective / belief / paradigm will usually be some FEELINGS which we are usually subconsciously avoiding by staying stuck in our perspective. It is these deeply repressed feelings which are blocking our cells and keeping us less than well – infact literally internally divided – which we need to get in touch with.

The interesting thing is, these perspectives usually play out as ‘the need to be right at all costs’. And at some point, we come to realize that if we wish to make progress, we are going to have to go beyond ideas of right and wrong. This is a huge ask for many people, as it requires humility, courage and vulnerability, plus the ability to feel old unwanted feelings.

To give an example which will help understand what I am talking about:

Last year I agreed with a friend to work on a project. We decided which tasks each of us would do, and due to his tasks needing to be completed first, I waited until he had completed his before beginning. The next thing I knew, a week later, I received an email to say he had completed both sets of tasks. My feathers were immediately ruffled as I had been looking forward to my part of the project. I immediately put my Mickel Therapy tools into place by saying ‘How I felt’ about what had happened (key 2) and what I would have liked (key 3). This was all well and good and my body felt better for speaking my truth.

However, he then rejected what I said, (in other words, he had ‘another perspective’, while I had mine), and it was apparent that ‘never the twain shall meet’. I was deeply hurt and shocked that he did not see ‘my point of view’ as our agreement over tasks had been quite clear.

At that point, I realized that the only person that could do anything about this situation was me. I started to ask myself, OK, what’s this situation REALLY trying to teach me? And more to the point, what I am actually FEELING?

I realixed that huge feelings of betrayal and injustice were rising up inside. And I sensed that I had come to that critical point where I had to ‘let go of the story’ (whatever that story was, and whether I felt I was ‘right’), and give myself permission to allow and feeling those feelings.  And to allow myself to feel the feelings without any attachment to the story my mind was attaching to them.

So I very consciously chose ‘yes, I choose to feel what I am feeling right now’, without being attached to the story. And so the healing commenced.

It was excruciating, as I tapped into the pain in my heart that had been there for years, which I was avoiding by staying in wanting to be right. I felt like my heart had been sliced open with a pairing knife, and that a writhing mass of snakes and puss was pouring out. (Sorry for the less-than-savoury graphic description, but this was exactly what it felt like).

There was nothing logical to this event. And there was nothing I could do to lessen the pain by thinking about it or rationalizing it away. I simply had to feel it. These were feelings that had been ‘festering’ inside of me for years, and I had been avoiding feeling by protecting and surrounding the heart with criticalness and judgement. It was time to let it go. The process lasted about 3 days, where I went through despair and heart-pain like I had never experienced before. Even so, I knew that a great healing was taking place, and that this was a gift.

And for the first time I understood the saying by the wonderful mystic Rumi “Out beyond all ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing there is a field – I’ll meet you there”.

When we learn to let go of our perspective and transcend right and wrong, (even if we know we were ‘right’), we take ourselves to a bigger perspective where we see that everything that happens is there to help us evolve into a better and bigger person. From a health perspective, that pain that had been inside my heart, blocking my cells, was gone forever, freeing up my ability to be more compassionate and loving towards both myself and others. Even though it was emotionally excruciatingly painful at the time, I am eternally grateful for the lesson.

Taking Charge

I went to see my primary doctor today. We had a good chat about everything and anything that has transpired over the last 2 months since my last appointment with him. There was quite a lot of information to give him. From my adventure with facet joint injections in my lower back to swine flu. I was very up front and honest and told him that I needed him to listen to me. I told him that these medicines for this disease aren’t working for me. They are actually making me sick with other things that are requiring an additional medication to help with relief. My body is becoming septic and turning on itself. I refuse to have to take medications for every little thing that crops up. I will not be medication dependent. That is insane!

He told me that sometimes doctor’s couldn’t cure things and sometimes in their eagerness to try to help with the cure, they inadvertently do the opposite. The smart ones back track and try a different method later. He is taking me off the meds for right now. Praise God! He said he wanted to see me back in a month and we may try a different route. I do know that right now, this is the destination to go. I also realize that with this decision it will bring me back to the living hell I have experienced the last 13 years of my adult life. Better the devil you know than the one you don’t, right? I least I can look this one in the eye, grit my teeth, and keep my mouth shut daily about how I really feel. Masks I am good at.

- Gigi

Egad, I have become a stereotype

I was chopping vegetables last night when I was suddenly overcome with a frig-awful pain in my shoulder and neck.

Afterwards I thought of that TV ad for Fibromyalgia and thought oh god, i’ve become the fibromyalgia woman! I would have laughed if I hadn’t been crying.

I lay down for a bit once the veggies were cooking but the pain got worse, going up into my jaw, face and scalp. When the dinner was ready and served up to the kids,  i jumped into a hot shower, then rubbed deep heat in, took ibuprofen, drank hydrolyte and went to bed. Quick chat with sidekick then tried to sleep. The fibro-lady tried to sleep.

Potential Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Breakthrough a Reminder of 'Patient No One Listened To'

By Shawn Kennedy, MA, RN, AJN interim editor-in-chief

by obo-bobolina/via Flickr (Creative Commons)

The other day I saw a news report from Reuters noting that a study in the journal Science found that a retrovirus linked to prostate cancer may be implicated in chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS).  The report explains that researchers “found the virus, known as XMRV, in the blood of 68 out of 101 chronic fatigue syndrome patients (67%). The same virus showed up in only 8 of 218 healthy people (3%).”  The hopeful take-away message is that IF this virus does have a role in the development of CFS (and that’s still to be proven—all that can be said now is that this study found it to be predominant in people with CFS in comparison to those without CFS), then researchers can develop medications to treat this disease.

But what I took away was a different message.  I remember when CFS was considered one of those nebulous, often self-diagnosed syndromes that led health care providers to attach some skepticism to whatever a patient who claimed to have one of them might say. There have been other diseases or clinical problems that have been dismissed by clinicians only to be verified later—fibromyalgia, restless legs syndrome, and “chemo brain” (the cognitive difficulties that often occur after chemotherapy; though a complaint of patients since the 1970s, it has only recently been verified by research) come to mind. There’s also another one, Morgellon’s Disease, the existence of which is now being researched by the CDC. 

We’ve finally accepted the premise that pain is what the patient says it is.  Why shouldn’t that extend to other complaints?  Why is the burden of proof on the sufferer?

As clinicians in an evidence-based environment, we look for physiologic changes that can be screened, measured, palpated, auscultated, and monitored—we want to see or verify symptoms for ourselves.  If you practice long enough, you’ll have at least one story about “that” patient who no one listened to—the one who, regrettably, someone should have listened to.  Do you have a story to share?

TORTOISE-LIKE MOVEMENT, BUT IT'S STILL PROGRESS!

DAY 36, 37 : It may not always look like my health is improving, but like a tortoise, I am still moving forward.

When Greg and I were in Spokane, he commented how we were here ten years ago. I replied, “ I just don’t remember much of that trip.” He smiled and said, “That’s because you spent most of that time in the hotel room, You were sure ill.”

We had driven with our daughter to Spokane for her to play in a basketball tournament. I did my best to watch her play if she had games in the morning. I do remember when another player ran into her and broke her collarbone. I remember Greg concerned whether I should be going into the hospital with them but I was determined to be with her and God gave me the strength to do that. It’s funny, but during these years of illness , I often don’t remember much about where I was, but I will have strong recollections of how I was feeling. When I relive how I was feeling in the hotel room in Spokane nine years ago, I am grateful for the health I have now.
On Tuesday morning, I was able to walk slowly through the Riverfront Park. The weather change had affected the pain and stiffness in my arms and legs, but I was still strong enough to take this stroll. And even better, after my afternoon nap, we had a great meal at a restaurant called Moxie – which we thought was the franchise restaurant Moxies, but the food was even tastier. Then we walked across the street to the Fox Theatre that was built when ceilings were ornately decorated as well as the walls. We sat down in our seats, the lights turned down, and only the  stage was lit. Bryan Adams walked onto the stage while carrying his acoustic guitar and he began to sing song after song. Occasionally, a pianist would sit at the grand piano and accompany him. I just sat there overwhelmed by gratitude that I could be here since yesterday it looked rather doubtful. And here I was sitting beside my terrific husband who leaned over and kissed me after a beautiful ballad! And as I enjoyed listening to the music, I felt such peace and certainty since I knew that my health may be moving forward like a tortoise, but it is still progress! After the concert, we walked back to our car that was parked at a meter. As we sat in the car, the truck in front of us slowly backed into us and pushed in the grille. Even this incident could not dent my optimism.

my list

I’ve been pretty sad the last few nights. I’ve tried to keep it to myself, but I love to write about me…even if there is nothing interesting to write about.

When I think about all my illnesses…I feel overwhelmed, sad, manic, tragic, angry, revengeful, pissed off and in general FUCKING PSYCHOTIC!!!

*  Since 11 1/2, I was diagnosed with Vitiligo…and with that comes a weakened immune system.

*  Shortly after I was diagnosed with Depression and GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder.)

*  Skip ahead to my mid-20’s and I was diagnosed with Severe Depression and Anxiety, Agoraphobia, OCD (Obsessive Control Disorder) and Panic Attacks.

*  In my early 30’s I was noticing something not right; feeling sick all the time. Around the age of late 32 or early 33 I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and unbelievable Insomnia.

*  Ages 33-present, I’ve suffered from horrible allergies and allergic reactions.

In about a week I turn 35. I still have all the above issues, and I probably will till the day they shove me in the oven and burn it all away. The diseased mind, body, skin and central nervous system…all of me…is fucked up. Now wouldn’t you be sad too?? ;c(